what's tiny, pale blue and shimmery?

oh, there's no punchline coming, i'm really asking.

...cause, when i took my daughter to the doctor today for a temp of 102.2 and a suspected ear infection, that is what they found inside her ear canal during her exam.

something tiny, pale blue, and shimmery.

me :  peyton, what did you put in your ear THIS time?

(because, this isnt the first time. she's THAT kid.)

her :  i dont remember.

me :  sigh.

i have no idea what in her environment could possibly match up with what i saw thru the ear-looker-thingy.
it was mobile, sort of.
when she thrashed and screamed. it sorta shifted.
but, the doctor was unable to grab it, due to my daughter freaking the hell out...

...its really too bad she didnt react this way when she was SHOVING SHINY STUFF INTO HER EAR HOLE.

so, since we  failed at the mystery object removal, we are gonna hit her with oral antibiotics and oil based ear drops over the weekend, and hope that it will come out (psh) -- or at the very least, hope we can reduce the swelling and pain from the RAGING INFECTION that the pretty little blue thing is causing, and try again when we go back monday morning.


in the meantime, i'm going to do my best to resist my morbid curiosity, and refrain from blowdart'ing my child and then removing it thru whatever means necessary.

her :   (random'ly, much later)....did it look like blue crayon, or candy or tape or something else?

me :  sigh.

happy birthday to me, meteor style.

The 2010 Perseid meteor shower – August’s famous ’shooting stars’ – will peak on the mornings of August 12 and 13 in the morning hours after midnight. 2010 is a great year for the Perseids. This year, the slender waxing crescent moon will set at early evening, leaving a dark sky for this year’s Perseid show, often peaking at 50 or more meteors per hour.

dabbling in gangsta, homie..

i dont think we've talked about this much, but, i have a pretty laid back taste in music.

my friends would say that 'laid back taste in music' translates to 'horrible taste in music'

i like a lot of acoustic stuff, and i'm a sucker for lyrics, even if the music surrounding them is questionable. my mp3 player is loaded with things like ani difranco, nevershoutnever!, alanis, tori, she & him, laura marling, joshua radin, ben harper, amber rubarth, neil diamond, jack johnson... etc. you get the point.


so, my mp3 player and i are making it to the gym approximately 4 times a week. recently, i realized that i was really tired of constantly tracking forward looking for a motivating song amongst all of the piano and ukulele.


you can imagine that the elliptical is NOT made any easier by loung'yish style music, but there was ONE song that i kept going back to.

'shake that ass' by eminem feat nate dogg.

god, how i used to shake my ass to that song at the club...

ahem...
anyway.

so, i think what i have learned about myself, is that i like dirty rap when i'm working out at the gym.

which is really funny if you know me. its almost as removed from my taste as heavy metal would be. almost. except heavy metal is simply, truely, utterly, intolerable.

so, yeah. i downloaded a bunch of stuff, but i'm taking suggestions for anything i've forgotten. its never been my musical area, so i'm not very familiar. at all, 'yo.

it. is. fucking. hot.

that makes me irrationally angry.

i am tired of body parts sticking to other body parts that they should not stick to.
i am tired of my hair feeling gross an hour after i wash it because of the sticky layer of sweat that i cannot get away from.
i am tired of the weather dictating what i can cook for dinner or when i can do my laundry without turning the house into a goddamn Auschwitz oven.

...and i need to be outside weed-eating and doing yard stuff. THAT means entering similar conditions but throwing in a shit ton of bugs to stick to my sticky sweaty skin.

...which improves my mood exponentially.

~*~


on a brighter side, i joined a gym.
my goal is to work out on my way to my 11p shift, and tan on my home at 7a.
i intend to do this 3-4 days a week.

i've never belonged to a gym, and have no idea how to do anything on the circuit machines. i figure i'll do the bike and treadmill and elliptical until i make a 'gym friend'.


i'm on a corporate account with work, so at $20 a month, even if i never make a 'gym friend' and only use those machines and tan, it will be worth it, if only for the alone time that money will buy me.

::sigh::

did i mention that the a/c in my jeep does not work, and that my three window units are insufficient to my meager square footage?  ergo- i'm melting as i type this, so off i go to donn my headphones and brave the great outdoors, bugs and all.

twirl.

tiny. round. navy blue... yay Lunesta.

so, i completed my first 4 day run at the night shift.

and i have no idea why a llama is my sleep aide mascot.


my flipping days and nights is wreaking havoc on my sleeping, so, i've resorted to using lunesta. lunesta is my favorite sleeping pill, hands down. even with the metal taste. it knocks me down enough to make me comfortably wobbly, and then OUT like a light for 4-5 hours before i finally might wake up to pee. at this point i can choose to stay up and be functional without that sleeping pill hangover, or go back to bed and sleep really good for a few more hours. and i still dream with this medication, sometimes more vividly than without taking anything. with other meds, i usually do not dream at all. overall- gold star to Lunesta go there and try the 7 day trial, or if you use it already, theres a coupon for their crazy ass prices. i just used the copay coupon, and it went thru without a single hiccup.

its completely different than what i'm used to on days. soooo much slower paced.so slow in fact, that i read a novel tonight. in its entirety. my patient interaction is down to minimal, and i dont love my nurses as much as i would have liked, but that may change in time.

so much else i wanted to say before i got sleepy, but i'm afraid it may not happen. sorry guys, i'll finish a better post later, after i get my permanent crown on at the dentist,

loves and kisses and dreamy wishes,
twirl.

i'm so in love with this.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Published 1927.

am not.

yawn...


no, i AM NOT staying up too late because i'm stuck on blogger... that would be silly.

what i'm actually doing is prep work.

...no, seriously. prep work.

i am INTENTIONALLY staying up (too late) on blogger because i accepted the 11p - 7a position that i mentioned a few posts ago, and i start this sunday night. i am attempting to make the mental flipping of days and nights a wee bit easier by pre-transitioning.

see how smart i am?



i've never worked the graveyard shift before. (why do they call it that, anyway?)

i suspect that i will like it after i adjust, because i despise 445am thru 11am. i am NOT a morning person. i have always been much more predisposed to being a night owl.

i'm not changing jobs, just changing shifts. which will kinda be like changing jobs a little bit, because of working with different people, i suppose.

god, i'm gonna miss my day timers. i work with the best bunch of people out there, hands down. they were really the only major point of consideration when i had this choice to make. they have become some of my best friends, and occasionally they are the only ones that i feel like can relate to me, as far as my work-life goes. i can always tell craig, or my bff about my day whenever i need to, but, they dont really get it, and i understand that.

its like... do you have that friend who goes on and on about their new new couch, or scrapbooking, or their husbands sick third cousins husband... and you listen, but, you arent that interested, and dont really care, and mostly you're just listening to let them talk because you love them, and its something they're excited about, so you just kinda ... indulge them while you're silently yearning for a topic that you can BOTH participate in?

talking to people outside of work about my job is kinda like that.

"and then this lady, who was only 52 years old, and who can walk PERFECTLY FINE made the CHOICE to just SHIT IN HER BED because she was under the very wrong impression that having an iv pole entitled her to a third party butthole butler! can you believe that shit? who does that???"

...actually- those stories are pretty funny, and most of the time my outside people enjoy hearing those. (btw- that really happened today. and the patient was a hooker. a real life hooker. with a prolapsed rectum.)

where was i? oh, yeah.

its probably more the not-funny stories that are hard to talk about to outside people.

(for my new readers, so you dont have to rummage backwards, in case you care enough to be curious...)

i am a cna on an oncology unit in a hospital. we have mostly cancer patients, whom i love with a part of my soul that is simply not available to anyone else.

i choose to work in that department. when i began in oncology, i thought i wouldnt be able to handle the emotional component that is unique to this particuliar field. and sometimes it is almost too much. sometimes, it floods pain in such huge amounts that it saturates me from the outside in.

but, theres something in these people that compensates for that. makes it worth it. a beauty and an honesty that i cant even explain. i see such strength and such goodness in my patients, and in their families. everyone is going through such a scary and difficult time, and you become part of that journey with them. its humbling how their family dynamic just melds around you as if you belong there.

so, when someone is dying, and you cant leave it at work... or just cant leave work period, or you just need to talk about someone to share who they are... or were... its almost impossible get what you are needing from someone on the outside.

but, my day-timers understand. they get it.
and i'm gonna miss that. a lot.
hopefully the night-timers will have the same vibe the one i'm leaving.

sigh.



anyway, lately we have a lot of stupid med-surg overflow patients, and i'm tired of them dirtying up my unit. we used to be exclusively oncology. my patients are immuno compromised, and i cant wait for them to get the sickies off my floor.

((**holy shit, a Roseanne re-run just came tv!
did ya'll know they still air that?**))

on the brightside, this shift change is an easier workload, and two dollars more an hour. since i'm the only one working in my household right now, can i get a woot?