Saturday, June 19, 2010

am not.


no, i AM NOT staying up too late because i'm stuck on blogger... that would be silly.

what i'm actually doing is prep work., seriously. prep work.

i am INTENTIONALLY staying up (too late) on blogger because i accepted the 11p - 7a position that i mentioned a few posts ago, and i start this sunday night. i am attempting to make the mental flipping of days and nights a wee bit easier by pre-transitioning.

see how smart i am?


i've never worked the graveyard shift before. (why do they call it that, anyway?)

i suspect that i will like it after i adjust, because i despise 445am thru 11am. i am NOT a morning person. i have always been much more predisposed to being a night owl.

i'm not changing jobs, just changing shifts. which will kinda be like changing jobs a little bit, because of working with different people, i suppose.

god, i'm gonna miss my day timers. i work with the best bunch of people out there, hands down. they were really the only major point of consideration when i had this choice to make. they have become some of my best friends, and occasionally they are the only ones that i feel like can relate to me, as far as my work-life goes. i can always tell craig, or my bff about my day whenever i need to, but, they dont really get it, and i understand that.

its like... do you have that friend who goes on and on about their new new couch, or scrapbooking, or their husbands sick third cousins husband... and you listen, but, you arent that interested, and dont really care, and mostly you're just listening to let them talk because you love them, and its something they're excited about, so you just kinda ... indulge them while you're silently yearning for a topic that you can BOTH participate in?

talking to people outside of work about my job is kinda like that.

"and then this lady, who was only 52 years old, and who can walk PERFECTLY FINE made the CHOICE to just SHIT IN HER BED because she was under the very wrong impression that having an iv pole entitled her to a third party butthole butler! can you believe that shit? who does that???"

...actually- those stories are pretty funny, and most of the time my outside people enjoy hearing those. (btw- that really happened today. and the patient was a hooker. a real life hooker. with a prolapsed rectum.)

where was i? oh, yeah.

its probably more the not-funny stories that are hard to talk about to outside people.

(for my new readers, so you dont have to rummage backwards, in case you care enough to be curious...)

i am a cna on an oncology unit in a hospital. we have mostly cancer patients, whom i love with a part of my soul that is simply not available to anyone else.

i choose to work in that department. when i began in oncology, i thought i wouldnt be able to handle the emotional component that is unique to this particuliar field. and sometimes it is almost too much. sometimes, it floods pain in such huge amounts that it saturates me from the outside in.

but, theres something in these people that compensates for that. makes it worth it. a beauty and an honesty that i cant even explain. i see such strength and such goodness in my patients, and in their families. everyone is going through such a scary and difficult time, and you become part of that journey with them. its humbling how their family dynamic just melds around you as if you belong there.

so, when someone is dying, and you cant leave it at work... or just cant leave work period, or you just need to talk about someone to share who they are... or were... its almost impossible get what you are needing from someone on the outside.

but, my day-timers understand. they get it.
and i'm gonna miss that. a lot.
hopefully the night-timers will have the same vibe the one i'm leaving.


cancer Pictures, Images and Photos

anyway, lately we have a lot of stupid med-surg overflow patients, and i'm tired of them dirtying up my unit. we used to be exclusively oncology. my patients are immuno compromised, and i cant wait for them to get the sickies off my floor.

((**holy shit, a Roseanne re-run just came tv!
did ya'll know they still air that?**))

on the brightside, this shift change is an easier workload, and two dollars more an hour. since i'm the only one working in my household right now, can i get a woot?


  1. i totally am not a morning person either and actually thrive after 10pm, it's like i magically wake up then! good for you for being able to switch that 4:45am shift must of killed you!

  2. hey!! i checked out your stuff last night when i was... ahem... prepping.

    i'm loving the dear duane posts.

    and i'm gonna start bitching in haiku, except out loud, randomly, and without explanation.