Sunday, March 7, 2010


i'm in such a weird mood.

seriously. i'm being avoided like the plague.
...i think.

or, maybe i'm not being avoided, and it just feels like i am.

thats how much i dont trust my emotions right now.

yesterday, craig teasingly said to me " you're such a poor dum dum with directions" when i drove right by the place i was supposed to turn. no big deal. very mild. there was nothing mean about his tone, or the situation, or anything, and i cried. CRIED. thats not like me. it was stupid, and made him feel like poo for no reason. and i was GLAD he felt like poo. for no reason. i wasnt even mad at him.

i'm having bouts of getting pissed off with no just cause. i just went from snuggling on the couch with the brown haired kid, to feeling mad and stompy for absolutely no reason.

thats been happening all week.

however, its preferrable to the bouts of quiet and withdrawn i'm having lately... well, preferrable to me anyway. everyone around me probably doesnt mind the quiet as much as the pissed off.

and, i'm feeling all sorry for myself. all whiney and stuff.

"you're going to bed? for the night?"

(which really means 'but...who's gonna hang out with me?')
::sticks out bottom lip::

realistically, i didnt even want to hang out. that much. i wanted to sit with the laptop and zone out, because i cant stand anybody who lives in this stupid house with me anyway.

i'm usually a very level person. am i depressed? overwhelmed? underwhelmed? i dont know. ...i dont think so. but, its all coming from somewhere, right?

i hate my dog.

maybe i'm not sleeping well.

or maybe i have seasonal affective disorder. but, that wouldnt make much sense since its getting nicer and all spring-y outside.

that means i'm gonna have to start mowing soon.




  1. Im sorry you're not feeling really could be SAD..its seems to be affecting so many more people lately ..even myself, where as it never did before...I hope it doesnt go on too long....Everything you described fits perfectly with SAD..but if it continues on maybe you should look into it..anything more than 4 -6 weeks anyway..that would be too long..!Im glad weve met ..I like your blog...!!Have a nice day..!

  2. thanks for stopping by, robin.

    i'm hoping it passes soon. today was better, mostly.

  3. It's better to let the emotions out rather than box them up and pretend that nothing is wrong. I work as a counselor and I will tell you that you expressing your mixed emotions is a good first step. It's hard when you don't feel like yourself. Hope you return to a place of peace soon!

  4. I have days like this.

    And it's usually when I'm exhausted.

    Hope tomorrow is a better day.

  5. yep exhaustion does this to me as well